People-pleasing: why saying no feels so hard

Being kind and considerate is a wonderful quality. People-pleasing becomes a problem when you consistently put others' needs ahead of your own and feel anxious, guilty or resentful as a result.

You might find it hard to say no, apologise when you have done nothing wrong, avoid conflict at all costs or feel responsible for everyone else's feelings.

People-pleasing usually makes sense when we look at its origins. Often it developed as a way of staying safe, keeping the peace or feeling loved. It was a clever solution once, even if it no longer serves you.

In therapy we can gently explore those origins, notice the parts of you that feel they must keep everyone happy, and practise setting boundaries in a way that feels manageable.

Many people find that as they learn to say no, their relationships actually become more honest and more satisfying.

I see clients on Harley Street in Central London (W1), in South Woodford, East London (E18), and online. You are very welcome to book a free 15-minute phone consultation to see whether working together feels right.